Montezuma: How to Conquer the World Without Really Trying

(The following are extracts taken from the diary of Emperor Montezuma of the Aztec civilization.)

4000 BC
The soon-to-be-mighty city of Tenochtitlan was founded today. It's not much to look at yet, but on the coast it will soon be a mighty city indeed. But before I can lead the Aztec people to world dominance, we're going to need some strong Jaguar Warriors.

3700 BC
The first (of many) Jaguar Warriors finished training today and set out to explore the wilderness. His instructions were as follows:
  1. Explore the murky terrors of the unknown.
  2. Seek contact with other people. If you meet someone, kill them!
  3. I would like a nice gold bar, or maybe some spices, for my wife. See if you can find some.
2500 BC
Tenochtitlan is growing nicely, with thousands of citizens at my command. Two more mighty Jaguar warriors joined with the first, forming a mighty army. Being blessed by the gods, I gave them the ability to heal after battle. Now no one will be able to harm them! Hahahaha. Unless the enemy has tanks or something. That would be very, very bad.

My Jaguar Warrior Army headed towards nearby Kyoto to send a message to the puny Tokugawa that if you settle too close to the Aztecs, you're going to get burned.

1900 BC
Unsurprisingly, Tokugawa possessed no tactical finesse whatsoever. His capital was defended by but a duo of archers. My Jaguars had slaughtered countless barbarians, and were veterans of the battlefield. Kyoto soon became an Aztec colony.

Oh yes, and Kyoto was the Japanese empires' sole city. Thus, they have been completely annihilated. Good bye.

0 BC (0 AD?)
The last 2000 years have been largely peaceful for the Aztecs. Settlers founded three more cities to expand my empire, and scouts revealed that we have complete control of the entire western half of the continent. Unfortunately, upon discovering the mangy Mongolians and evil Egyptians on my eastern borders, my Jaguars are not strong enough to overrun them. Thus I sacrificed them and called my many scientists to my throne room and spoke, "The Mongolians are a blight to my eyes. You must create a weapon that can bust down their stone walls. Perhaps some type of device that throws rocks at very high speeds." So began the age of the catapult.

600 AD
With but two tiny cities crammed in a corner of the continent, Genghis Khan and the Mongolians have been eradicated, and the cities were welcomed into the mighty Aztec empire. Now to go after Cleopatra and the Egyptians. I am not ashamed to admit that they are very strong, with many strange technologies that I do not understand. Instead of bows, their archers carry long pointy sticks. No matter. My catapult armies can throw rocks very fast. Smash, smash, smash!

700 AD
At Cairo, the gods punished me. For my arrogance? No, for not building a sufficient army. Cleopatra is very smart and crafty. Her "piighkemen" easily kept my catapults and Jaguars from getting close to the city. They even had a strange shiny man on a horse with a sword. He terrified me so very much, he must be the devil. I ordered my scientists to make me a "nite," as I heard them called. Many citizens have been sacrificed to please the "nite" gods. They will be mine soon.

1400 AD
I am growing older, but my hatred for Cleopatra burns only the hotter with each passing year.
Many centuries have passed since my deal with the devil, but I have now amassed many armies of Knights on the outskirts of Cairo. Dark-robed spies are waiting to sneak in and destroy defenses. The Egyptians have no light at the end of the tunnel.

1425 AD
The Egyptians no longer walk the face of this Earth. Cleopatra begged for mercy, but I snubbed out her light myself.

1450 AD

A scouting unit has revealed Emperor Napoleon's French to the east. I know I must annihilate them. The blood lust of the gods demands it. My son urges me to seek peace. But I know I cannot. I am growing old, and have but a few years to make my mark on history. Napoleon, make your peace with the world. There is no hope, and there will be no mercy.

1700 AD
What have I done? Millions have been slaughtered, forests cut down, cities demolished. And I, the sole Emperor of the World, the Universe, and Everything, sit atop it, seeing all, trusting no one. Was it worth it? What use is it to rule a world scorched by flames, scarred by warfare? Perhaps next time will be different. I won. But at what cost?

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